@evw - I think I understand what you are saying :
('old' and walking towards the end of my years, alone (but fortunately not lonely or 'pathetic')
I'm older now and I believe we may be in similar situations.
My parents both lived through the great depression, and what they learned - I sort of absorbed just by being around them.
Neither one of them ever complained or whined about whatever situation they were in, because they realized that there was always someone else in a worse situation. - but they did try to handle things to the very best of their ability, and be grateful for whatever they had.
I never realized how valuable their examples were until now.
Both suffered with health issues in later life, and they both died at 68/70 years of age.
I don't ever want to hear myself complain, or try to feel sorry for myself, because of the good examples I had, and yet like you - I do feel the despair or maybe discouragement creep over me sometimes.
I think it is because the "spirit of the air" - is just filled with anxiety and fear of the unknown.
My father couldn't stand to hear anybody ( even his own fleshly brother) whine or feel sorry for themselves, and I knew it was because he was in a great deal of physical pain and always tried to block it out. It made him pretty grouchy. I thought he was anti-social, but now i understand.
Well, I don't know if that was any comfort, because I don't have any answers. I just keep praying and doing my best to persevere, as I imagine you do.
I don't have any family, either, - in or out of the truth, and I do not attend the meetings anymore. - BUT - I do have neighbors that I am reaching out to, and a few of them are pretty tough and appreciate mutual encouragement. Also a younger spiritual brother lives nearby ,who has also stopped going to the meetings for basically the same reasons I did, and we have had some very good discussions.
I hope you, also, can find someone nearby to talk with, and exchange encouragement and ideas with, because after the grid goes down, which could be soon, this forum won't be here, and probably no phones either.