Should I Give up on Dating?

Soul Sage

Well-known member
I admit that dating gives me a lot of anxiety. My parents are extremely judgemental JW's so that's a big part of it. So I feel like I can't talk to them at all about my dating life. Even when it came to going on dates with another JW girl, I kept it secret. I tried out dating apps in the past, it sucks but that was the only way to meet women during the pandemic when all the kingdom halls were lockdowned and everything was done on Zoom. I talked to a few nice girls from those apps but never got that strong connection feeling to any of them. When I was talking to a JW girl from a different country and my parents found out, I got scolded by my parents for leading her on and they started prejudging her. Very nice... and they wonder why I'm still single. I love my parents but they override me with so much anxiety when it comes to dating.
 

Jordan Seager

Well-known member
I admit that dating gives me a lot of anxiety. My parents are extremely judgemental JW's so that's a big part of it. So I feel like I can't talk to them at all about my dating life. Even when it came to going on dates with another JW girl, I kept it secret. I tried out dating apps in the past, it sucks but that was the only way to meet women during the pandemic when all the kingdom halls were lockdowned and everything was done on Zoom. I talked to a few nice girls from those apps but never got that strong connection feeling to any of them. When I was talking to a JW girl from a different country and my parents found out, I got scolded by my parents for leading her on and they started prejudging her. Very nice... and they wonder why I'm still single. I love my parents but they override me with so much anxiety when it comes to dating.
You're doing better than me. I don't even know how to start a conversation with a woman to begin with, and if I did, it would be about world issues, war history, politics or technology :ROFLMAO:
 

Watchman

Moderator
Staff member
I don't have anything to say on this topic. But a certain apostle did. And his words are more pertinent now than ever.

"Moreover, this I say, brothers, the time left is reduced. From now on, let those who have wives be as though they had none, and those who weep as those who do not weep, and those who rejoice as those who do not rejoice, and those who buy as those who do not possess, and those making use of the world as those not using it to the full; for the scene of this world is changing."
 

Soul Sage

Well-known member
You're doing better than me. I don't even know how to start a conversation with a woman to begin with, and if I did, it would be about world issues, war history, politics or technology :ROFLMAO:
Those are things you really don't talk about on a date, though technology is a fine subject to talk about. It takes practice.
 

White Stone

Well-known member
I don't have anything to say on this topic. But a certain apostle did. And his words are more pertinent now than ever.

"Moreover, this I say, brothers, the time left is reduced. From now on, let those who have wives be as though they had none, and those who weep as those who do not weep, and those who rejoice as those who do not rejoice, and those who buy as those who do not possess, and those making use of the world as those not using it to the full; for the scene of this world is changing."
One thing also for them to consider.

1 Corinthians 7:1,2 “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is better for a man not to touch a woman; but because of the prevalence of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman have her own husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:9 “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion.”(and commit sin)
 

Soul Sage

Well-known member
For a healthy person like me. It's hard to have self control sometimes. I could have a diet full of soy and estrogen and get fat and have my libido crash. Or I can remain healthy and have those natural urges at certain moments. If the circumstances are good maybe that's Jehovah saying, this is your chance.
 

DavidCJ

Well-known member
I admit that dating gives me a lot of anxiety.
Whatever anxieties you guys have talking to women I probably surpass both of you with flying colors.

Before baptism when I was studying I had a choice to go to the congregation that were in that territory and same as the one my Bible Teacher(at least the one that initiated it) went to, or go to one that had lot of youths. There were also two young sisters(17 and 20) from the "Youth" congregation that started visiting around our house at that time along with a young(er than me) brother.

I could have studied with the younger brother but I stuck to the congregation with the older brother, because even though I had the desire for it, I knew spiritually it may not be the best direction. I had a big crush on the 17 year old, which I wasn't initially aware of her age, which was another large factor. Funnily, we moved to where the other congregation was in charge.

@Jahrule If you consider that you only need to find ONE, then numbers wise it doesn't seem that difficult. The challenge is vetting the right one, and whether you are ready or not.

There are things I need to worry about and think I need to worry about which doesn't apply if I stay single. They worry about Alpha/Beta(which is really about whether you are assertive or shy away from things), certain level of money, how you should look and other innumerable things. Sure, maybe it sounds like a cop-out but I'd leave that to the new system.

Brother @Watchman is right that we need to look for the more important things. We don't really belong here. Extra anxiety and stress.
 
Last edited:

White Stone

Well-known member
For a healthy person like me. It's hard to have self control sometimes. I could have a diet full of soy and estrogen and get fat and have my libido crash. Or I can remain healthy and have those natural urges at certain moments. If the circumstances are good maybe that's Jehovah saying, this is your chance.
What is important is we stay faithful to the end. If one sees that he may sin if he continues to not marry, it is best to take the action that will alternate the course. But each one will carry his own load, so we should balance what is the best action to take.
Matthew 19:11,12 “He said to them: “Not all men make room for the saying, but only those who have the gift. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs on account of the Kingdom of the heavens. Let the one who can make room for it make room for it.
 

Soul Sage

Well-known member
It's why I'm taking a break from it. There are more important things to concern myself with at the moment. I don't have anxiety on talking to women, the anxiety comes from what others think about the woman I'm dating. And from past harshly judgemental experiences it built up a sort of trauma in my mind.
 

The God Pill

Well-known member
It's been a few years since I thought about manosphere topics much been to engrossed/consumed in theocratic study but it appears

Alpha and Beta dichotomy is spectrumy/contextual. Yes Alphas generally possess assertiveness but being one would have more to do with external responses to that than simply one conveying outspokeness, directness or confidence in a dichotomy while some betas are shy Beta would be more characterized by pedestalizing women than shyness given the association of the parreto squared distribution of men's success as well as broadness/overlap of traits of a Beta male in the dualistic model appears to correspond with/encompass everything in the sociosexual hierarchy besides alphas and sigmas.


I'd agree it's much simpler for mgtows or as scripture brings out men pursuing singleness. I'm very comfortable with singleness it's been years since I minded not being in a relationship but there's nothing on God's earth I've wanted more than to be a father since I was pre adolescent and can't say I'm not irritated at being older than my father was when I was born without a single date and knowing at several points in 2016-2019 if my luck had been better I could've been one by now.

Approach anxiety is not an issue by the time I approached and since the second woman I pursued I was smooth and outcome independant rejection is fine it's the hammer of everything that can be pettily/unwarrantedly marshalled/brought to bear against you for daring to speak to someone that deters me. Slander creates a self reinforcing feedback loop of unsucess for men because the lack of any or of people knowing any prior woman accepting them means no present social proof, slander alienates people eliminating receptivity and even self propagates memetically when it conveniences people denying the individual the means to acquire social proof the growing passage of time single taken as affirmation of one's status as a creep or else invoking the question of why not with anyone which elicits the distribution of rumors and slander to them an ever reinforcing just world fallacy as karen's and sodomites murder the timelines where you had more time to make and raise more kids from less degraded genetics on your end (aging etc) out of displeasure with you for simply being overtly christian.
 

Jahrule

Well-known member
It's been a few years since I thought about manosphere topics much been to engrossed/consumed in theocratic study but it appears

Alpha and Beta dichotomy is spectrumy/contextual. Yes Alphas generally possess assertiveness but being one would have more to do with external responses to that than simply one conveying outspokeness, directness or confidence in a dichotomy while some betas are shy Beta would be more characterized by pedestalizing women than shyness given the association of the parreto squared distribution of men's success as well as broadness/overlap of traits of a Beta male in the dualistic model appears to correspond with/encompass everything in the sociosexual hierarchy besides alphas and sigmas.


I'd agree it's much simpler for mgtows or as scripture brings out men pursuing singleness. I'm very comfortable with singleness it's been years since I minded not being in a relationship but there's nothing on God's earth I've wanted more than to be a father since I was pre adolescent and can't say I'm not irritated at being older than my father was when I was born without a single date and knowing at several points in 2016-2019 if my luck had been better I could've been one by now.

Approach anxiety is not an issue by the time I approached and since the second woman I pursued I was smooth and outcome independant rejection is fine it's the hammer of everything that can be pettily/unwarrantedly marshalled/brought to bear against you for daring to speak to someone that deters me. Slander creates a self reinforcing feedback loop of unsucess for men because the lack of any or of people knowing any prior woman accepting them means no present social proof, slander alienates people eliminating receptivity and even self propagates memetically when it conveniences people denying the individual the means to acquire social proof the growing passage of time single taken as affirmation of one's status as a creep or else invoking the question of why not with anyone which elicits the distribution of rumors and slander to them an ever reinforcing just world fallacy as karen's and sodomites murder the timelines where you had more time to make and raise more kids from less degraded genetics on your end (aging etc) out of displeasure with you for simply being overtly christian.
Whether we put a label on it or not, there aren't many options. We could always roll the dice and hope for the best. That doesn't always fail. Every now and then it works out. The thing is, people have been playing this game a long time. Unfortunately, there exist unique problems today previous generations never had to think about, making MGTOW inevitable. I think both men and women have a lot of valuable criticism against each other. This is why all these philosophies appeal to people. They all exhibit some degree of wisdom. But they attract lunatics on both sides. That doesn't mean I'm saying it's 50/50. That's based on each individual situation.

Nevertheless, more often than not it's one more than the other. And what happens when you have a significantly dense population? You're going to have lots of people experiencing the raw side of that aforementioned ratio. What happens with those people? They create movements of damaged individuals bent on boxing the whole world into their negative experiences. Despite what any of them would believe none of them actually see the world as it really is. They only see it through the lens of their experience. This is true even if some of them are very very smart and very perceptive. That still doesn't mean they truly see the world as it really is. I doubt even the best of us can do that.
 

LuisMerino9412

Well-known member
This is something I pray about a lot. I'd really like to start my own family someday. But the more I try the less likely it looks to work out. Some of you couldn't even make it work with another JW. The chances of me finding anyone is starting to look pretty hopeless. If people can't even make it work with other believers, what chance do I have with women on the outside? I've had a couple dates. But they usually are just looking to "hook up", and I'm not going to say I've never done that. I am still human, and if someone throws themselves on me I'm probably not strong enough to resist the temptation. I'm not.

This actually happens a lot up here. But regardless, that's not what I want. I understand that's a sin, and I shouldn't be putting myself in those situations. Again though, there aren't a lot of options. It's either put myself out there to find the right person, which will likely mean a LOT more dates, or devote myself to celibacy, which is almost certainly not going to happen, or just marry anyone who says yes, which seems like a terrible idea considering the women I've dated recently.

I have crippling anxiety. I'm eat up with insecurities. I get older every day. I'm kinda starting to panic a little. I'm almost 40 and I got nothing to show for it. On the other hand, I couldn't afford a family anyway, so maybe this is all a blessing in disguise. It's just that being alone, completely alone, every day is really starting to take a toll on my ability to function normally. I feel like I'm just surviving. I don't feel like I'm alive.

Sorry for the rant. I don't have anywhere else to go.

Hope all is well.

Cheers,
Joshua
I'm really sorry about that. :/ :'( I've felt that too. Sometimes I feel great being alone and not having anyone and I'm not interested either sometimes, but I would like to feel someone's touch, someone to give all the love I have to give and a good morning and a kiss and a hug and hang out. It makes me feel angry and sad sometimes that everyone just want to use you. And that's why I feel angry and sad sometimes. Besides, I have Borderline personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder and sometimes I just feel pretty bad with myself. So, sometimes I feel more comfortable alone because I don't want anyone bothering me or especially to bother anyone with my stuff. I truly don't want to bother anyone and that makes me feel miserable. :/ :'( I don't want to be a burden for anyone or make anyone feel tired. That's one of the reasons I feel so bad sometimes and "like" to be alone. Besides, I want to spend time with myself and reflect so I can understand myself and grow up as a human being. Anyway, other things make me feel angry and sad. And I also feel very sad when I feel lonely. It's pretty bad. I'm really sorry and I understand you a lot, perfectly. What I do is pray and I feel Jehovah comforts me the following days. And I love that and I'm very thankful for that. I hope we can find someone one day or at least something that fills those needs in some way. A hug 4 u bro and I hope you can find peace and someone to love at least a friend. Anyway, keep praying maybe not for someone like a wife, but at least to get over the feeling of loneliness.
 

Jahrule

Well-known member
I'm really sorry about that. :/ :'( I've felt that too. Sometimes I feel great being alone and not having anyone and I'm not interested either sometimes, but I would like to feel someone's touch, someone to give all the love I have to give and a good morning and a kiss and a hug and hang out. It makes me feel angry and sad sometimes that everyone just want to use you. And that's why I feel angry and sad sometimes. Besides, I have Borderline personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder and sometimes I just feel pretty bad with myself. So, sometimes I feel more comfortable alone because I don't want anyone bothering me or especially to bother anyone with my stuff. I truly don't want to bother anyone and that makes me feel miserable. :/ :'( I don't want to be a burden for anyone or make anyone feel tired. That's one of the reasons I feel so bad sometimes and "like" to be alone. Besides, I want to spend time with myself and reflect so I can understand myself and grow up as a human being. Anyway, other things make me feel angry and sad. And I also feel very sad when I feel lonely. It's pretty bad. I'm really sorry and I understand you a lot, perfectly. What I do is pray and I feel Jehovah comforts me the following days. And I love that and I'm very thankful for that. I hope we can find someone one day or at least something that fills those needs in some way. A hug 4 u bro and I hope you can find peace and someone to love at least a friend. Anyway, keep praying maybe not for someone like a wife, but at least to get over the feeling of loneliness.
Thank you very much for your kind words. We go through ups and downs. Lately I've felt much better. Being alone might not always be fun but it has its benefits.
 

Soul Sage

Well-known member
I seen some terrible spouses in more ways than one from friends experiences. So I'm careful not to try to marry control freaks. I rather be single than to be with a spouse like that.
Though I can't help to think sometimes of how some even had a chance of getting married with their bad attitude and maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder but some of them are just physically ugly people. It's says to me that if that man got married then I must still have a very good chance too. I just have to be more assertive socially.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
I seen some terrible spouses in more ways than one from friends experiences. So I'm careful not to try to marry control freaks. I rather be single than to be with a spouse like that.
Though I can't help to think sometimes of how some even had a chance of getting married with their bad attitude and maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder but some of them are just physically ugly people. It's says to me that if that man got married then I must still have a very good chance too. I just have to be more assertive socially.
Plus, many people are sociopathic narcissists. The world rewards such ones & they are on the rise.
 

The God Pill

Well-known member
Giving up on badoo it's a great/popular dating site selection scale wise if you live in Eastern europe but so few people use it in the US that you could be that you'd be lucky to find a handful of people in the same state and it looks like the one mutual match I found deleted their profile. Also in thelast week the first woman I pursued the one back on 2017 deleted the comment I left recently on her YouTube channel inquiring if she intended to apologize before either of us die of old age so I know it's been received and it appears i have the answer.
 
Last edited:
Top