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Introducing, pastor Russell's "Nulite" wonder machine.
Are you thinking of starting a high control new millennial religious group but apprehensive about making those attention getting, dogmatic predictions? Have no fear, Nulite is here.
Fearful that your new congregants will become Suspicious of your strange, illogical, impractical direction? Have no fear Nulite is here.
Forget about those angelic inspired golden tablets and visions. (Sooo 1800's!) Nulite makes false prediction clean up safe and easy.
Simply type the false prediction into Nulite's modern keyboard system and Nulite consults the 2400 giggawat electrically charged pyramidium device (patent pending) and spits out convincing scriptural passages that you can use to skirt around that uncomfortable missed date - No apologies needed.
No fundamentalist evangelical movement is complete without Nulite's modern, foolproof engineering. Nulite keeps 'em in perpetual suspense. Just a turn of the knob and you can activate the "guilt" feature for extra motivation, but use with caution, it can be powerful. (See details in the user manual)
Get yours today and before long you'll be leading your sheep to new pastures for centuries to come. With Nulite, that prediction is always "just around the corner"!
