יהוה_saves
Well-known member
I’ve briefly written before about relationship experiences within Watchtower (WT), how they’re cultivated, maintained, the pain of losing them and how the dynamics carry over to adult life post-Watchtower often in the form of complex post Watchtower relationship disorders (PWRD- and i’m certain it’s in the DSM-5, ar ar!)
Any/all relationships in WT are subject to its control, its decrees and rules- friendships, close sibling relationships, parents/children, even the closest and deepest relationship of all, one that Jehovah himself created- husband and wife, is subservient to WT instructions and guidelines.
With that in mind, there are some things that I believe, stunt JWs ability to cultivate the deep loving bonds of any relationship, and i’m going to list them in no particular order of importance or impact.
1. shunning policy. Many or most JWs, even if consciously unaware, do not cultivate deep loving bonds with others because they know, in fact they fear, that even their most cherished relationship(s) can be ripped from them in an instant, for any reason- reason(s) they will likely never know. All JWs understand this, and so they hold back a part of themselves as an internal defense mechanism to the pain of loss due to the shunning policy.
2. This next one is related to shunning, and this is Watchtower’s policing policy. You’d be hard pressed to hear for any elder to admit or to find anywhere in WT literature that WT has an official policing policy. Nevertheless, it’s well known in JW culture that they not only police each other’s conduct, but also each other’s words and thoughts. All JWs understand this and it impacts their ability to be authentic. If you cannot be authentic for fear of being judged or worse, your relationships will not be authentic.
3. This, perhaps most important, deals with the way men and woman relate. In WT culture, it’s not believed that men and woman can be friends. WT prevents friendships from forming with the opposite sex by telegraphing that neither party can or should be trusted, and that you can’t even trust yourself. This mistrust or distrust carries over to post-WT adult life, if, for example, a man (or woman) recalls his deeply imbedded WT indoctrination, and abandons what would have otherwise been a wonderful friendship with someone i’d the opposite sex, one providing mutual companionship, joy, happiness, mutual support, because he or she senses some “inappropriate feelings” that just aren’t there. There is nothing inappropriate about a man and a woman becoming friend good friends, even best friends, as long as social norms are respected and followed, and as long as both parties respect each others boundaries.
Conclusion: Watch Tower stunts JWs ability to have authentic, deeply cultivated living relationships and that’s very sad. Humans are social and it’s part of our humanity to have these relationships.
Learning how to deal with people authentically, and trusting them and myself is something i’m still learning how to do, post WT.
I just wanted to share.
Any/all relationships in WT are subject to its control, its decrees and rules- friendships, close sibling relationships, parents/children, even the closest and deepest relationship of all, one that Jehovah himself created- husband and wife, is subservient to WT instructions and guidelines.
With that in mind, there are some things that I believe, stunt JWs ability to cultivate the deep loving bonds of any relationship, and i’m going to list them in no particular order of importance or impact.
1. shunning policy. Many or most JWs, even if consciously unaware, do not cultivate deep loving bonds with others because they know, in fact they fear, that even their most cherished relationship(s) can be ripped from them in an instant, for any reason- reason(s) they will likely never know. All JWs understand this, and so they hold back a part of themselves as an internal defense mechanism to the pain of loss due to the shunning policy.
2. This next one is related to shunning, and this is Watchtower’s policing policy. You’d be hard pressed to hear for any elder to admit or to find anywhere in WT literature that WT has an official policing policy. Nevertheless, it’s well known in JW culture that they not only police each other’s conduct, but also each other’s words and thoughts. All JWs understand this and it impacts their ability to be authentic. If you cannot be authentic for fear of being judged or worse, your relationships will not be authentic.
3. This, perhaps most important, deals with the way men and woman relate. In WT culture, it’s not believed that men and woman can be friends. WT prevents friendships from forming with the opposite sex by telegraphing that neither party can or should be trusted, and that you can’t even trust yourself. This mistrust or distrust carries over to post-WT adult life, if, for example, a man (or woman) recalls his deeply imbedded WT indoctrination, and abandons what would have otherwise been a wonderful friendship with someone i’d the opposite sex, one providing mutual companionship, joy, happiness, mutual support, because he or she senses some “inappropriate feelings” that just aren’t there. There is nothing inappropriate about a man and a woman becoming friend good friends, even best friends, as long as social norms are respected and followed, and as long as both parties respect each others boundaries.
Conclusion: Watch Tower stunts JWs ability to have authentic, deeply cultivated living relationships and that’s very sad. Humans are social and it’s part of our humanity to have these relationships.
Learning how to deal with people authentically, and trusting them and myself is something i’m still learning how to do, post WT.
I just wanted to share.