Hello Proverbs! I don't know who is newer here, you or me....but most of your posts sound just like me too! I've been 'binge reading' as much as I can here before I speak with my husband. He doesn't like change and I don't know how he's going to react when I start telling him what I am learning. I kept 'feeling guilty' for reading this site and at the same time forgive myself.....because if it hadn't been for the whole COVID mismanagement.....I wouldn't have started asking HARD questions and searching for truthful answers. So every time I start thinking I'm doing something wrong, I think about all the lies and cover ups and secrecy and hyprocrisy....in the Covid reaction alone. Now I am learning about things that didn't directly affect me personally(CSP) but also worry me about how things were covered up. Just like you said:
Ditto.
Also, almost immediately after Covid began I started 'searching' for others like me.....but got nowhere. I was led to the EX-JW sites and I knew that was not where I wanted to be. They were just complaining and using it as an excuse to do whatever they wanted. I felt lost. I knew the basics I've learned from the Bible with JW's were still my core beliefs: aka No trinity, a future earthly paradise, resurrection of the dead, etc.
But just like Jesus said, we have to "KEEP ON KNOCKING". So I did. At first I tried bringing the Covid/Vax situation up to some close friends....and I got shot down. One actually called me a "Conspiracy Theorist". I was so upset. Finally, I wrote a letter to the CO on August 6th of 2021 and now I just found out through this site, that is the exact date the GB sent the letter out to full time servants regarding getting the vax 'unless you have a good medical reason not to'. But in the meantime, the elders kept telling us "No one is being forced to get the vax. It's a personal decision". What? I could not believe they didn't see the double speak happening right in front of their eyes. Cognitive Dissonance? I don't know. But I just couldn't believe it. I tried to WARN the brothers....thinking they were just misled. But despite the mountains of evidence that the vax was NOT 'Safe and Effective' and ALSO the fact that prior to this I don't recall ever being told to do anything medically.....it was all "It's your personal decision as long as it doesn't involve the use of blood or spiritistic practices." Actually, I've known for a long time that the word translated "Spiritistic" in our Bible is taken from the Greek word "Pharmakeia" and I always wondered why there were always articles about almost ALL Pharmaceuticals that were put in glowing terms. It just didn't add up to me. I see you ended your post above with "Thank you for finding me". That was Jehovah that led you here as I'm sure he's doing for all who find this site. Now, I don't know what my next step will be yet.....I'm still going to the Memorial tomorrow...but after that....I don't know what life in 'The Truth' holds for me. Keep praying....and stay close to Jehovah!