About me.

White Stone

Active member
I do not really understand that quotation. It’s symbolic and clearly there is a picture as to what is to come, but what is it’s literal meaning?
The sword could have been just for show, for protection but will not be really used to kill as the Lord said “Return your sword to its place, for all those who take up the sword will perish by the sword.”(Matthew 26:52) . It can deter bandits, wild beasts and the likes along the way if they go to a wilderness or to other cities and countries.
 

Sunshower

Well-known member
Wow PJ, that’s quite a life you’ve had already. Thanks for sharing that personal story with us.

@Something Borrowed did martial arts in his youth. He says he still benefits from it, he did judo and jiu-jitsu. A few years ago he had a heart attack and to rehabilitate he took up tai chi. It may not be the same but it did help him get back into shape plus it was an outlet.
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
I'm wondering where to start, I suppose I'll start at the beginning. I wasn't born into the Org like some of the friends here. I was born out of wedlock in 1991 in Long Island NY. My family was very Italian though my father's side was Anglo-Saxon. The my parents were dating when I came along & my mom's side of the family arranged the marriage when I was around 4 (possibly a shotgun wedding Lol). For the overwhelming most part of my life my Nana was the one who raised me since both parents weren't really capable. My mother had a severe case of schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia & bipolar disorder) & my father was a drug addicted (on & off) alcoholic. My mom got the illness from a traumatic event triggering it & my dad became an alcoholic from seeing a drunk driver kill his friend on a bike (it was very gory).

Growing up wasn't easy since I had to endure the trials of a dysfunctional family. Eventually it got to the point where CPS was going to take me into foster care. My Nana refused to hand me over & managed to adopt me (that's an old fashion Italian grandma for you). shortly after we moved down to Florida since my Nana got divorced from my step grandfather. Because of my upbringing, I developed a severe case of ADHD that's stuck with to this day. Having that condition had made growing up more difficult since I couldn't get along with the other students. I got bullied often in elementary school & it really sucked. I tried a few sports but eventually I embraced the martial arts since I was tired of getting pushed around. I took it quite seriously since the only other thing I did was play video games (it was an escape for me). While I did struggle in the school system (a prison IMHO) I managed to get by. In middle school I had some issues but at this point I managed to stand my ground & earn some respect. Early in middle school IIRC my uncle developed the same disorder as my mom. He was diagnosed with it after an attempted suicide. He stayed with us on & off. Sadly around that time I had another uncle whom everyone love die form an overdose. I went to my first wake & funeral. I never was the same since. As for high school I fortunately didn't have as much conflict besides my uncle causing issues. I joined the wrestling team for a couple of years but didn't excel at it.

It was around this time I came across the "truth". There was a girl in my class who was friends with a classmate I went to elementary with. She was a bit of a flirt with me. She had a twin sister as well. They were both unbaptized publishers at the time. Eventually the girl broke my heart. She was one the few people I managed to date at the time. I did study at the end of high school but I broke it off since I believed Charles Russell was a Freemason. I go to collage for a couple years & just before the last year I had an existential crisis with my beliefs. I was originally not religious but then brought under the Methodist denomination because my Nana wanted me to go to church (this was around the time I was in middle school). I searched for the truth & I was in despair.

I started to read the Bible (KJV), starting with the Gospel of Mathew. Much of what Jesus taught struck me in the heart. I realized I had to make changes but I didn't know where to go. With enough fasting & prayer I prayed to God to show me where the narrow road was. I remember having an intense dream of driving on a road that had a fork in it & I went right. On the left (wide road) was another version of myself going into a dark city with a dark red sky with the woman of my dreams looking at me with great anger. I realized that was supposed to be me & all my ambitions & what I intended to do. On the right where I was heading was narrow & it looking like route 60 going from Tampa to Clearwater FL (beaches on both sides) & I looked in my car seeing one of the twins in a white dress smiling at me as we drove into a light. That dream was the indicator I had to go back to studying. It was on Easter I went to the hall & the twins were welcoming me & I resumed studying with my teacher. I took some time before getting baptized. There were many changes I had to make. I gave up the martial arts (this was the most agonizing thing to do & I still am recovering from that pain), quit smoking, fought against pornography addiction, etc. I did manage to graduate with an associates degree & the friends were helpful on how to treat alcohol when I turned 21 (good thing too since alcoholism runs in the family).

Eventually I was baptized & enjoyed the brotherhood. Nonetheless, I still struggled with making friends since I was socially inept & was a strict introvert. You learn to isolate yourself when dealing with the world & when the majority of that time is dealing with the mentally ill. Before baptism though, my family was greatly opposed & were very vocal about it. It sucked that this had to be the case but eventually it subsided. All was well till 2016 (CERN was running IIRC). The beginning of the year was great. I started a small business, auxiliary pioneered (memorial season) for the first time, went on an awesome road trip with my Nana in my new truck. Things going great till the middle of August (I never liked that month as well as March to begin with). I was learning to hang wallpaper with the brother who did painting & wallpapering, when I got a call from the county sheriff. Then my family was contacting me on Facebook Messenger asking me if I was okay. I didn't know what was happening at the time & my relatives didn't tell me what happened. The brother had a bad vibe about what was going on (he lost a son & the county sheriff informed him). I get home to learn my dad passed away.

My dad had been in & out of my life. He always had an alcoholic problem in which caused much friction. My mom was mentally gone so I never really got to know her. When my dad came down with me, my Nana, & my uncle who passed, he hated living in Florida. Plus, surviving 3 accidents in which 2 were potentially fatal, took a toll on his body. Eventually he started to date a woman I wasn't fond of & was an enabler for his habits. He didn't do cocaine anymore but was introduced to pain pills before meeting her. She wasn't helping the situation & was rather selfish & perverted. I personally believe she drove him to suicide. I don't know where she is in this world but I don't care to know either.

After my dads passing & I having to managed his funeral, all hell broke loose. My step grandfather passed away the month after & my crazy uncle was living with him at the time. My Nana now has him living with us full time & he's completely gone. My financial situation went to hell, the business struggled, & every time I tried to improve my situation, life would smash me down (e.g. a vehicle malfunction that costs enormous money). No matter what I did the barrage never let up (even to this day). Eventually, I started to have doubts that haunted me (some since studying) in regards to the new system. I really didn't want to be stuck here for eternity & the though of it put dread in me.

After awhile I just started to fade away (not intentionally but naturally). It was becoming too much to do all these things & be active in the Org. Since I didn't have biological relatives in the Org there, wasn't any support in that regard. The friends were very helpful but they couldn't fully understand the situation. Plus, the twins were both DF'ed before I was baptized sadly. Fast forward to today & I ended up inactive. I ended up turtling like I did as a child when life got very rough. You learn these habit to maintain sanity. With doubts plaguing my mind I found Robert on YouTube & much of my concerns started to make sense. While I haven't been to meetings or field service in awhile I am thankful for finding this site. Otherwise I might have burnt out totally. But that's me in a nutshell. Hope it wasn't too much of a downer. LOL!🤪

(Edit 7/27/22): P.S.
I forgot to mention in 2020 my family & I were going about our lives even though the world was in turmoil. Since we weren't affected directly by the pandemic for the most part, we thought we'd be just observers. However, in November that year my cousin died of an overdose (around his mom's birthday on top of that). He had been the youngest to go in our family. The uncle that passed in 2005 was 26 but my cousin was only 20. Not even old enough to buy a beer. My aunt was shattered & my Nana & I keep an eye on her. Nana is a
worrier as is (for good reason). To be frank with all the deaths in the family I thought I'd be next! It's in God's hands at this point.
Thanks so much PJ for sharing your story. You’ve been through so much for being as young as you are. But I find that, the world we live in today, most of us have to grow up fast, and have a hard time along the way. I’m so glad Jehovah led you to where you are today.

Hearing what others have gone through in their life surely helps with us getting to know them better.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
Thanks so much PJ for sharing your story. You’ve been through so much for being as young as you are. But I find that, the world we live in today, most of us have to grow up fast, and have a hard time along the way. I’m so glad Jehovah led you to where you are today.

Hearing what others have gone through in their life surely helps with us getting to know them better.
Reminds me of this article I found on Natural News. Just saw it today & it clicks!

Depression isn’t caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, study finds​

 

Sunshower

Well-known member
Reminds me of this article I found on Natural News. Just saw it today & it clicks!

Depression isn’t caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, study finds​

I agree 100%. I had a terrible depression 21 years ago due to my husband becoming chronically ill and me having to do everything on my own. But the biggest trigger was an elder who had given my husband bible study telling us all the crap that went on in the congregation. I got such a negative overload that one day something just snapped in my head.

It also seems that the pharmaceutical industry has known for 35 years that antidepressants don’t work. Yet I’ve been prescribed this mess for 20 years till I finally weaned myself off it last year. It’s hell to stop with those pills. It took me months of just taking less and less, opening up the capsules and removing a bit more each week.
 

The God Pill

Well-known member
When I was younger people kept trying to talk me into antidepressants and that seemed as foolish as heavy drinking or drugs to me why medicate oneself when that has nothing to do with resolving whatever circumstances in one's life have left them depressed. Chemically numbing oneself could only render a person less authentic and responses to external stimuli less natural.
 
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Sunshower

Well-known member
When I was younger people kept trying to talk me into antidepressants and that seemed as foolish to me as heavy drinking or drugs to me why medicate oneself when that has nothing to do with resolving whatever circumstances in one's life have left them depressed. Chemically numbing oneself could only render a person less authentic and responses to external stimuli less natural.
Wise decision. I thought it, coming from a doctor, would be the logical thing to do. Maybe that explains why 20 years later I wasn’t ever going to take a jab for something similar to the flu 😉
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
Reminds me of this article I found on Natural News. Just saw it today & it clicks!

Depression isn’t caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, study finds​

I never have really believed the mainstream “chemical imbalance theory“ anyway. The first I heard about it was back in the 80’s when a cousin of mine was going through major depression and it was explained to me she had a chemical imbalance. My mind couldn’t comprehend what that meant but I thought, “I didn’t know that our brains were made up of chemicals.”
That was very puzzling to me, made no sense.

But just like everything else we are being told…it’s been nothing but a BIG LIE!
The article you posted is an excellent article that explains it perfectly, in my opinion.
It always seems to go back to the medical-industrial complex, who have always come up with a convenient band-aid so they can make more and more profits at the expense of those who are suffering.

You can’t take a pill to solve all the problems we are experiencing today. Most of the time, this only creates more of a need for more drugs. As the article states: ‘many people are depressed because it’s just a natural response to bad circumstances and an evil world that keeps getting worse.” It continues, ‘Rather than work to try to fix society and get rid of the globalists, who’s behind all these hellish perversions and social destruction, people accepted Big Pharma’s “chemical imbalance“ theory.”

However, because we’ve come to know the real reason behind all this big scheme of things…there is no man made entity, organization, or anything that will be able to “fix society.” I’m so thankful that all of us here have learned about our all powerful mighty God Jehovah. And by means of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we can be healed of all the sicknesses this world has brought about. God’s Kingdom is our only hope!
 
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Truth_Seeker

Well-known member
Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one. For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me: ‘And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.” So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.”

— Gospel of Luke 22:36-38, NKJV

Jesus taught his apostles something, as well as all other Christians. He made them aware that after His death they will have a fight to complete. But this fight of a Christian is different of what people used to fight for back then which involved real swords. That's way he said two swords are enough. He wanted to show that His kingdom is not of this world and the Christian do not have to revolt against authority. The only sword a Christian uses is the word of Jehovah for preachingthe gospel.

"When those who were around Him saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, shall we strike with the sword?” And one of them struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his right ear. But Jesus responded and said, “Stop! No more of this.” And He touched his ear and healed him. And Jesus said to the chief priests and officers of the temple and elders who had come against Him, “Have you come out with swords and clubs as you would against a man inciting a revolt? While I was with you daily in the temple, you did not lay hands on Me; but this hour and the power of darkness are yours.”

"Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would be fighting so that I would not be handed over to the Jews; but as it is, My kingdom is not of this realm.” Therefore Pilate said to Him, “So You are a king?” Jesus answered, “You say correctly that I am a king. For this purpose I have been born, and for this I have come into the world: to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to My voice.” Pilate *said to Him, “What is truth?”John 17:14‭, ‬17

"I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth."

John 18:36‭-‬38
"For the word of God is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, even penetrating as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him to whom we must answer."
Hebrews 4:12‭-‬13

"And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross." Philippians 2:8

"For you have been called for this purpose, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you would follow in His steps, He who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being abusively insulted, He did not insult in return; while suffering, He did not threaten, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;" 1 Peter 2:21‭-‬23

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having belted your waist with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having strapped on your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
Ephesians 6:12‭-‬17

"If anyone is destined for captivity, to captivity he goes; if anyone kills with the sword, with the sword he must be killed. Here is the perseverance and the faith of the saints."
Revelation 13:10

"Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, so that you will be tested, and you will have tribulation for ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life."
Revelation 2:10
 
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DR74minus

Well-known member
Maybe I'm a little /lot indifferent? I was diss-fellowshipped for 15 years and 12 of those I was alone tho not completely alone I suspect? Certainly no contact with people, on many occasions for days even weeks on end. Experienced no loneliness, no depression. Could it have been the tranquility of working alone in the hills and a healthy lifestyle? Could be? Although not as widespread as today there was still a lot of badness during the 80s and 90s. Maybe I became de-sensitized to it all? even now? I'm certainly not a picture of health at the minute, But I don't appear to be phased with what is happening around me. I do look forward to a time when the pain and suffering that is presented to us every day will be no more. Still more often than not I am alone. Not lonely or depressed but. I guess we're all plagued by different things that effect us in different ways? Soon people will no longer say "I am sick"
 

Nomex

Well-known member
I never have really believed the mainstream “chemical imbalance theory“ anyway. The first I heard about it was back in the 80’s when a cousin of mine was going through major depression and it was explained to me she had a chemical imbalance.
After my second brother took his life, I was going through a real rough time. My father had always been all about natural health and I always read a lot, (just not all that much of WT publications), so I got this book, https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Feel-Good-Again/dp/0452272424, which is excellent. I suppose I still have it some where now that I think about it. He was the guy who wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff", he explains that we can control what we think about and what we think about is what causes our negative and or positive emotions in almost all cases. The problem is most people don't control what they think about. He likens it to going to the movies, and while you are watching the movie you get distracted by the project of painting your house, then you realize your missing the movie and direct your thinking towards the movie instead and stop thinking about what color your painting your house.

I've never forgotten it. Lot's of really good info, that helped me a lot at a time when I really needed it! My 2nd brother was taking Prozak, and I have always been convinced that was part of the reason he took his own life!
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
After my second brother took his life, I was going through a real rough time. My father had always been all about natural health and I always read a lot, (just not all that much of WT publications), so I got this book, https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Feel-Good-Again/dp/0452272424, which is excellent. I suppose I still have it some where now that I think about it. He was the guy who wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff", he explains that we can control what we think about and what we think about is what causes our negative and or positive emotions in almost all cases. The problem is most people don't control what they think about. He likens it to going to the movies, and while you are watching the movie you get distracted by the project of painting your house, then you realize your missing the movie and direct your thinking towards the movie instead and stop thinking about what color your painting your house.

I've never forgotten it. Lot's of really good info, that helped me a lot at a time when I really needed it! My 2nd brother was taking Prozak, and I have always been convinced that was part of the reason he took his own life!
@Nomex
Sounds like a book I probably need to read. I’ve been going through a rough time these past few months with my husband gone and what’s happening around us especially how I’ve been affected by what the organization has done. All this has really been a changing experience for me.

Did you say your father is the author of this book? I like his analogy about how we can control what we think about because it’s what causes our negative and positive emotions in almost all cases. That’s something I need to try and learn to control too.

Do you know that all the years I went to meetings I was able to control my concentration and focus on what was being said through the whole meeting. Even while handling the children when they were small, even though I did have help…but I would fix my focus right back on the meeting. With assemblies it was the same thing.

Although the last few years it was getting pretty redundant, but I would still listen to most of it.
 
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Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
I agree 100%. I had a terrible depression 21 years ago due to my husband becoming chronically ill and me having to do everything on my own. But the biggest trigger was an elder who had given my husband bible study telling us all the crap that went on in the congregation. I got such a negative overload that one day something just snapped in my head.

It also seems that the pharmaceutical industry has known for 35 years that antidepressants don’t work. Yet I’ve been prescribed this mess for 20 years till I finally weaned myself off it last year. It’s hell to stop with those pills. It took me months of just taking less and less, opening up the capsules and removing a bit more each week.
@Sunshower

I too was a victim of using pharmaceuticals. Years ago when I had trouble with panic attacks and some depression, my NP prescribed me an anti-depressant anxiety medicine called Klonopin but neglected to tell me that if I decided to get off of them to taper off. So, a few years later and not knowing any better,I decided to get off them cold turkey.

That was the worst thing I could have done! About two days later, after going to bed one night, I was feeling like I wanted to climb the walls and come out of my skin!!! That was the worst feeling! My husband took me to the ER. I told them the story and I think I either got a shot, but I know the doctor gave me a few of the same pills and I was told to take one every other day till I was finished taking all of them, by then I was ok.
That was a horrible experience and I haven’t been back on ant- depressants since.

I try to take natural supplements for my anxiety,, like Chamomile, Valarian, all those calming herbs, and amino acids too.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
@Sunshower

I too was a victim of using pharmaceuticals. Years ago when I had trouble with panic attacks and some depression, my NP prescribed me an anti-depressant anxiety medicine called Klonopin but neglected to tell me that if I decided to get off of them to taper off. So, a few years later and not knowing any better,I decided to get off them cold turkey.

That was the worst thing I could have done! About two days later, after going to bed one night, I was feeling like I wanted to climb the walls and come out of my skin!!! That was the worst feeling! My husband took me to the ER. I told them the story and I think I either got a shot, but I know the doctor gave me a few of the same pills and I was told to take one every other day till I was finished taking all of them, by then I was ok.
That was a horrible experience and I haven’t been back on ant- depressants since.

I try to take natural supplements for my anxiety,, like Chamomile, Valarian, all those calming herbs, and amino acids too.
My cousin who passed in 2020 was addicted to Xanax. It's similar to Klonopin (Clonazepam)& Phenibut but more potent. He had been fighting his demons that he seldom spoke about. Eventually, it lead him to going on the illicit stuff like cocaine. When he died he had a batch that was laced with heroin.
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
My cousin who passed in 2020 was addicted to Xanax. It's similar to Klonopin (Clonazepam)& Phenibut but more potent. He had been fighting his demons that he seldom spoke about. Eventually, it lead him to going on the illicit stuff like cocaine. When he died he had a batch that was laced with heroin.
Oh my goodness PJ, that’s horrible!! I’m so sorry.

When you thi about it, it’s the same sad story of people getting caught up and being on these drugs but don’t realize the dangers of taking them. And since we’re all of a different body make up, we can’t know how it’s going to affect us.
But one thing is for sure, if these drugs don’t do you in sooner they definitely will later.

I remember when I was around 14 years old a cousin of mine who lived with us at the time, tried to get me to do LSD/acid, but something told me not to. She and a friend of mine went out, when she came back I could see and began to realize she was having a bad trip! I was scared, watching what this was doing to her mind! It was truly bizarre!!
 
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PJ54

Well-known member
Oh my goodness PJ, that’s horrible!! I’m so sorry.

When you thi about it, it’s the same sad story of people getting caught up and being on these drugs but don’t realize the dangers of taking them. And since we’re all of a different body make up, we can’t know how it’s going to affect us.
But one thing is for sure, if these drugs don’t do you in sooner they definitely will later.

I remember when I was around 14 years old a cousin of mine who lived with us at the time, tried to get me to do LSD/acid, but something told me not to. She and a friend of mine went out, when she came back she was having a bad trip! I was scared to watch what this was doing to her mind! It was truly bizarre!!
I hear in some cases people end up with schizophrenia if the batch is not the degradable kind. That stuff can store in places like you spine & something like cracking your back can lead to an involuntary trip.
 
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