About me.

PJ54

Well-known member
I'm wondering where to start, I suppose I'll start at the beginning. I wasn't born into the Org like some of the friends here. I was born out of wedlock in 1991 in Long Island NY. My family was very Italian though my father's side was Anglo-Saxon. The my parents were dating when I came along & my mom's side of the family arranged the marriage when I was around 4 (possibly a shotgun wedding Lol). For the overwhelming most part of my life my Nana was the one who raised me since both parents weren't really capable. My mother had a severe case of schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia & bipolar disorder) & my father was a drug addicted (on & off) alcoholic. My mom got the illness from a traumatic event triggering it & my dad became an alcoholic from seeing a drunk driver kill his friend on a bike (it was very gory).

Growing up wasn't easy since I had to endure the trials of a dysfunctional family. Eventually it got to the point where CPS was going to take me into foster care. My Nana refused to hand me over & managed to adopt me (that's an old fashion Italian grandma for you). shortly after we moved down to Florida since my Nana got divorced from my step grandfather. Because of my upbringing, I developed a severe case of ADHD that's stuck with to this day. Having that condition had made growing up more difficult since I couldn't get along with the other students. I got bullied often in elementary school & it really sucked. I tried a few sports but eventually I embraced the martial arts since I was tired of getting pushed around. I took it quite seriously since the only other thing I did was play video games (it was an escape for me). While I did struggle in the school system (a prison IMHO) I managed to get by. In middle school I had some issues but at this point I managed to stand my ground & earn some respect. Early in middle school IIRC my uncle developed the same disorder as my mom. He was diagnosed with it after an attempted suicide. He stayed with us on & off. Sadly around that time I had another uncle whom everyone love die form an overdose. I went to my first wake & funeral. I never was the same since. As for high school I fortunately didn't have as much conflict besides my uncle causing issues. I joined the wrestling team for a couple of years but didn't excel at it.

It was around this time I came across the "truth". There was a girl in my class who was friends with a classmate I went to elementary with. She was a bit of a flirt with me. She had a twin sister as well. They were both unbaptized publishers at the time. Eventually the girl broke my heart. She was one the few people I managed to date at the time. I did study at the end of high school but I broke it off since I believed Charles Russell was a Freemason. I go to collage for a couple years & just before the last year I had an existential crisis with my beliefs. I was originally not religious but then brought under the Methodist denomination because my Nana wanted me to go to church (this was around the time I was in middle school). I searched for the truth & I was in despair.

I started to read the Bible (KJV), starting with the Gospel of Mathew. Much of what Jesus taught struck me in the heart. I realized I had to make changes but I didn't know where to go. With enough fasting & prayer I prayed to God to show me where the narrow road was. I remember having an intense dream of driving on a road that had a fork in it & I went right. On the left (wide road) was another version of myself going into a dark city with a dark red sky with the woman of my dreams looking at me with great anger. I realized that was supposed to be me & all my ambitions & what I intended to do. On the right where I was heading was narrow & it looking like route 60 going from Tampa to Clearwater FL (beaches on both sides) & I looked in my car seeing one of the twins in a white dress smiling at me as we drove into a light. That dream was the indicator I had to go back to studying. It was on Easter I went to the hall & the twins were welcoming me & I resumed studying with my teacher. I took some time before getting baptized. There were many changes I had to make. I gave up the martial arts (this was the most agonizing thing to do & I still am recovering from that pain), quit smoking, fought against pornography addiction, etc. I did manage to graduate with an associates degree & the friends were helpful on how to treat alcohol when I turned 21 (good thing too since alcoholism runs in the family).

Eventually I was baptized & enjoyed the brotherhood. Nonetheless, I still struggled with making friends since I was socially inept & was a strict introvert. You learn to isolate yourself when dealing with the world & when the majority of that time is dealing with the mentally ill. Before baptism though, my family was greatly opposed & were very vocal about it. It sucked that this had to be the case but eventually it subsided. All was well till 2016 (CERN was running IIRC). The beginning of the year was great. I started a small business, auxiliary pioneered (memorial season) for the first time, went on an awesome road trip with my Nana in my new truck. Things going great till the middle of August (I never liked that month as well as March to begin with). I was learning to hang wallpaper with the brother who did painting & wallpapering, when I got a call from the county sheriff. Then my family was contacting me on Facebook Messenger asking me if I was okay. I didn't know what was happening at the time & my relatives didn't tell me what happened. The brother had a bad vibe about what was going on (he lost a son & the county sheriff informed him). I get home to learn my dad passed away.

My dad had been in & out of my life. He always had an alcoholic problem in which caused much friction. My mom was mentally gone so I never really got to know her. When my dad came down with me, my Nana, & my uncle who passed, he hated living in Florida. Plus, surviving 3 accidents in which 2 were potentially fatal, took a toll on his body. Eventually he started to date a woman I wasn't fond of & was an enabler for his habits. He didn't do cocaine anymore but was introduced to pain pills before meeting her. She wasn't helping the situation & was rather selfish & perverted. I personally believe she drove him to suicide. I don't know where she is in this world but I don't care to know either.

After my dads passing & I having to managed his funeral, all hell broke loose. My step grandfather passed away the month after & my crazy uncle was living with him at the time. My Nana now has him living with us full time & he's completely gone. My financial situation went to hell, the business struggled, & every time I tried to improve my situation, life would smash me down (e.g. a vehicle malfunction that costs enormous money). No matter what I did the barrage never let up (even to this day). Eventually, I started to have doubts that haunted me (some since studying) in regards to the new system. I really didn't want to be stuck here for eternity & the though of it put dread in me.

After awhile I just started to fade away (not intentionally but naturally). It was becoming too much to do all these things & be active in the Org. Since I didn't have biological relatives in the Org there, wasn't any support in that regard. The friends were very helpful but they couldn't fully understand the situation. Plus, the twins were both DF'ed before I was baptized sadly. Fast forward to today & I ended up inactive. I ended up turtling like I did as a child when life got very rough. You learn these habit to maintain sanity. With doubts plaguing my mind I found Robert on YouTube & much of my concerns started to make sense. While I haven't been to meetings or field service in awhile I am thankful for finding this site. Otherwise I might have burnt out totally. But that's me in a nutshell. Hope it wasn't too much of a downer. LOL!🤪

(Edit 7/27/22): P.S.
I forgot to mention in 2020 my family & I were going about our lives even though the world was in turmoil. Since we weren't affected directly by the pandemic for the most part, we thought we'd be just observers. However, in November that year my cousin died of an overdose (around his mom's birthday on top of that). He had been the youngest to go in our family. The uncle that passed in 2005 was 26 but my cousin was only 20. Not even old enough to buy a beer. My aunt was shattered & my Nana & I keep an eye on her. Nana is a
worrier as is (for good reason). To be frank with all the deaths in the family I thought I'd be next! It's in God's hands at this point.
 
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Nomex

Well-known member
So nice to know more about you. This system is tough no doubt about it, but you're at the right place. I grew up in the truth, and about the time you were born I was really started to see things much deeper and in a different light. A couple years later after a pretty bad divorce, I was really struggling, abut it was at that time when I said to myself, "if Satan really is the god of this system, things have to be much worse than we have been told/taught even among JW's." That was the beginning for me, but it wasn't until Covid that I saw the GB for who they really are!

Reach out to me anytime if you need to talk!
 

PJ54

Well-known member
So nice to know more about you. This system is tough no doubt about it, but you're at the right place. I grew up in the truth, and about the time you were born I was really started to see things much deeper and in a different light. A couple years later after a pretty bad divorce, I was really struggling, abut it was at that time when I said to myself, "if Satan really is the god of this system, things have to be much worse than we have been told/taught even among JW's." That was the beginning for me, but it wasn't until Covid that I saw the GB for who they really are!

Reach out to me anytime if you need to talk!
I appreciate it!
 

kirmmy

Well-known member
PJ45: It all started long ago when I was born....
Me: HEY! Where's my day text commentary!!!!!
PJ45: Er, ah, I...
Me: Get to work then!

Kidding Bro :LOL:

Good to hear your background. We've both had struggles in some of the same things.

You're parents really went through some dark times. It's good to see that you realized that and held no ill will for them.

Why did you quit the marshal arts? WBTS guidance? It's a form of physical exercise and could come in handy. My conscience wouldn't have a problem...

What was your associate degree in? Just curious.

while I haven't been to meetings or field service in awhile
Don't worry. I've been told it's not what it used to be. :)

"Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing"

Or for the Bible version:
Heb 12:7,11
You need to endure as part of your discipline. God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
True, no discipline seems for the present to be joyous, but it is painful; yet afterward, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
 

White Stone

Active member
Thanks for sharing your story @PJ54 No doubt in this system, the more we serve our Father, the more opposition we will face from Satan. The system will choke us to the point that we do not bear fruit any longer.(Luke 8:14) Our family also had struggles. Back in 2014 when my parents became active again, our business flourished, was also the year I became interested in the Bible, and my sisters also. Then on 2015, I became an unbaptized publisher. Sometime after becoming an UP, things went downhill—materially and spiritually— that led us to become inactive again for three years. But Jehovah will not let us completely lost like a sheep. He will find a way to find us even if it takes years. It was in the last quarter of 2018 that I felt Jehovah’s love through the association with brothers and sisters—but at this time I have a worldly girlfriend. I decided then to become a fully-pledge JW, broke up with my GF and baptized on July 2019 Regional Convention.

Regarding the dream that you had, sometimes God will use it to guide us or to make His will known to us, just as what Paul did in our Daily Text for today.
 

The God Pill

Well-known member
On dropping martial arts was it the congregation or more psychological angle of lifestyle adjustment? I've been doing ishinryu for four years and my congregation seems a little more laid back on that then some a few know I do karate though the congregation is pretty anti 2A. I'm always pretty upbeat at the dojo but I can understand the decision if there was some issue where you were venting aggression or anger or something with it at the time putting on the new personality etc.

Never hesitate to share CERN theories, data and observations.
 
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PJ54

Well-known member
Thanks for sharing your story @PJ54 No doubt in this system, the more we serve our Father, the more opposition we will face from Satan. The system will choke us to the point that we do not bear fruit any longer.(Luke 8:14) Our family also had struggles. Back in 2014 when my parents became active again, our business flourished, was also the year I became interested in the Bible, and my sisters also. Then on 2015, I became an unbaptized publisher. Sometime after becoming an UP, things went downhill—materially and spiritually— that led us to become inactive again for three years. But Jehovah will not let us completely lost like a sheep. He will find a way to find us even if it takes years. It was in the last quarter of 2018 that I felt Jehovah’s love through the association with brothers and sisters—but at this time I have a worldly girlfriend. I decided then to become a fully-pledge JW, broke up with my GF and baptized on July 2019 Regional Convention.

Regarding the dream that you had, sometimes God will use it to guide us or to make His will known to us, just as what Paul did in our Daily Text for today.
You know that dream was the deal breaker for me. If that hadn't happened I don't think I'd go back. Some of the friends believe it was inspired but others think it was just a lucid dream sadly.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
On dropping martial arts was it the congregation or more psychological angle of lifestyle adjustment? I've been doing ishinryu for four years and my congregation seems a little more laid back on that then some a few know I do karate though the congregation is pretty anti 2A. I'm always pretty upbeat at the dojo but I can understand the decision if there was some issue where you were venting aggression or anger or something with it at the time putting on the new personality etc.

Never hesitate to share CERN theories, data and observations.
Yeah it wasn't easy to let that go. The venting helped keep me sane.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
Do you dream lucid frequently?
Not often. When it does happen I make a note of it. There have been times those dreams were a heads up on some things to come. One of them was learning that the twins would leave. It stung but knowing that would help soften the blow.
 

xrt469

Well-known member
@PJ54 Thank you for telling your back story. That's a lot of ground to cover in a few paragraphs.

Not often. When it does happen I make a note of it. There have been times those dreams were a heads up on some things to come. One of them was learning that the twins would leave. It stung but knowing that would help soften the blow.
I rarely have lucid dreams. When I do, they are almost always silly. I had one recently that shook me so badly that I was compelled to pray and ask that the dream continue if there was something I needed to know. It did not and so I have put it aside. But it is still as vivid to me now as it was while I was dreaming it.

I can understand why Daniel would be so overwhelmed after one of his visions.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
@PJ54 Thank you for telling your back story. That's a lot of ground to cover in a few paragraphs.


I rarely have lucid dreams. When I do, they are almost always silly. I had one recently that shook me so badly that I was compelled to pray and ask that the dream continue if there was something I needed to know. It did not and so I have put it aside. But it is still as vivid to me now as it was while I was dreaming it.

I can understand why Daniel would be so overwhelmed after one of his visions.
One thing to consider too is certain herbs can trigger lucid dreams like mugwort. I have used that but it wasn't as impactful as the dreams with possible omens to them. Which reminds me of a lucid dream I had awhile ago. It was the most intense & scary dream I had in my life. I was in a place made of wood & there were evil people laughing at me as a ran from my family. They were possessed or controlled somehow & they had glowing yellow eyes. They were trying to capture me in order to convert me into one of them. I wonder if that was an omen of the time of the great tribulation. The dream was so real I believed I was awake.
 

xrt469

Well-known member
I was in a place made of wood & there were evil people laughing at me as a ran from my family. They were possessed or controlled somehow & they had glowing yellow eyes. They were trying to capture me in order to convert me into one of them. I wonder if that was an omen of the time of the great tribulation. The dream was so real I believed I was awake.
That would freak me out! My dream was a normal setting that could be any regular day. I had not altered my routine or diet on the day I had that dream. Events quickly unfolded and took a turn for the worse. I assume it was at the outset of the GT. The thing that made it so vivid was that I completely understood everything in the moment. I knew why things were happening and details that I saw. That has NEVER happened to me. If I recalled my dreams more frequently, perhaps it would not have been so impactful.
 

The God Pill

Well-known member
One thing to consider too is certain herbs can trigger lucid dreams like mugwort. I have used that but it wasn't as impactful as the dreams with possible omens to them. Which reminds me of a lucid dream I had awhile ago. It was the most intense & scary dream I had in my life. I was in a place made of wood & there were evil people laughing at me as a ran from my family. They were possessed or controlled somehow & they had glowing yellow eyes. They were trying to capture me in order to convert me into one of them. I wonder if that was an omen of the time of the great tribulation. The dream was so real I believed I was awake.
Honestly 1/4 of my dreams since childhood were of senior citi zombies on the loose 🧟‍♂️


 

יהוה_saves

Well-known member
thank you for sharing, sweetie- you’re a very damaged soul, just like me. But you are here now, in the safe and loving custody of your father Jehovah.

Through it all, we just need to be loved, isn’t that right. We have a craving to love and to be loved- WT always taught us that love, God’s love, was conditional. It’s not conditional. It’s very much UNconditional and nothing can separate us from it, no matter how damaged we are.

You are young, but you have lived two lifetimes. You’ve experienced a lot and come out on the other side whole. That is a feat unto itself.

Now you can support others- Jehovah snatched you from the fire for this reason.

Petition Jah to choose you to be one of his chosen ones. You would not forsake Him for your own life.

I’m glad you’re here.
 

יהוה_saves

Well-known member
since I believed Charles Russell was a Freemason

there is no question that 33° Freemasonry has and is infiltrated the org at the highest level; from the onset of the org’s formation by Pastor Russell.

There are a handful of EXJW researchers that deny this fact, or they équivocate on it.

See, perhaps one or two observable facts could be explained away- with a struggle. But after awhile, the shelf fills up with so much empirical evidence that it no longer holds up the denial and it breaks under its own weight.

If the Gov Body is comprised of 33° Freemasons, and it is, the implication is that these poisonous shots are a blood sacrifice to Baphomet- Satan’s earthly avatar. I realize how difficult that is to accept. The only alternative is that the Gov Body is victim of the propaganda it itself creates. And that’s just not rational or logical, is it.
 

SollaSollew

Well-known member
Apparently it was. That was about a decade ago when I made the break. Plus, Jesus telling Peter to put the sword away said a lot to me. It's frustrating but I just try to be a better version of myself.
Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one. For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me: ‘And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.” So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.”

— Gospel of Luke 22:36-38, NKJV
 

BARNABY THE DOG.

Well-known member
Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one. For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me: ‘And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.” So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.”

— Gospel of Luke 22:36-38, NKJV
I do not really understand that quotation. It’s symbolic and clearly there is a picture as to what is to come, but what is it’s literal meaning?
 
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