Carl, your comment has really given me lots of hope. Thank you. I felt the same as you. My teacher had been with me through a lot, and she and I were very close. She told me to always speak to her from my heart in everything. To lose her is very difficult.
But on the subject of baptism...My other thread I had made about getting baptized, I was still trying to just grit my teeth and get through, even though there were many things that bothered my conscience, like you I cannot stand lies, and I have a hard time staying quiet about it. But nowadays in the Zoom meeting era the feeling started to become unbearable, even for my husband (his mom started studying when he was just a toddler he was raised a witness) We had such a hard time sitting through service meetings and listening to everyone be soooo scared of omicron and "we had to go get a covid test" and "we don't know if its covid but I bought a lot of hand sanitizer (insert forced laughter)" "people just refuse to wear a mask I don't understand it" yadda yadda. I was telling my husband I don't know how much more of this I can stand. In comes the GB to stoke the flames. I told him, "I have to get baptized into this??" He said "what else is there?" But after lots of prayer, and discussion, we reached a decision: My husband agreed to baptize me. My dad has a pool. He said if I give him some time to spiritually prepare himself he will do it. He said he will even prepare a talk for me LOL. But after a lot of consideration. This is what we will do. My family (not Witnesses, but awake, unvaxxed
and they believe in God and Jesus nonetheless) will be in attendance and will be our audience.