This is something I pray about a lot. I'd really like to start my own family someday. But the more I try the less likely it looks to work out. Some of you couldn't even make it work with another JW. The chances of me finding anyone is starting to look pretty hopeless. If people can't even make it work with other believers, what chance do I have with women on the outside? I've had a couple dates. But they usually are just looking to "hook up", and I'm not going to say I've never done that. I am still human, and if someone throws themselves on me I'm probably not strong enough to resist the temptation. I'm not.
This actually happens a lot up here. But regardless, that's not what I want. I understand that's a sin, and I shouldn't be putting myself in those situations. Again though, there aren't a lot of options. It's either put myself out there to find the right person, which will likely mean a LOT more dates, or devote myself to celibacy, which is almost certainly not going to happen, or just marry anyone who says yes, which seems like a terrible idea considering the women I've dated recently.
I have crippling anxiety. I'm eat up with insecurities. I get older every day. I'm kinda starting to panic a little. I'm almost 40 and I got nothing to show for it. On the other hand, I couldn't afford a family anyway, so maybe this is all a blessing in disguise. It's just that being alone, completely alone, every day is really starting to take a toll on my ability to function normally. I feel like I'm just surviving. I don't feel like I'm alive.
Sorry for the rant. I don't have anywhere else to go.
Hope all is well.
Cheers,
Joshua
There are sixty four faults that every person on earth has. Of those 64, there is an infinite combination just as there are moves on a chessboard. To calculate how to be successful in playing the game then, is simply one of strategy. Like the faults, the strategies to contend with them are equally limitless and so to survive, contend and enjoy the game, takes wisdom. If you choose another partner to play the game, you still have the same odds of success or failure. It is clear then, that in approaching the game, something other than superficial ‘compatibility’ is required if one is to stay in the game across the board from your opponent.
The first move, is to love yourself. If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love another, because the concept and construct of love depends upon understanding the attributes of love. The bible lists those attributes and encapsulates them in that one word, and which, also defines them in three applications for family, partner and God. One may also add self. Introspection on values within your life are critical to any relationship because being malleable within set parameters both scriptural (because that is a requirement unless you want to be yoked to the world) and physical, because love demands sacrifice. Thus to play the game demands the same degree of altruism in both contenders to accommodate the moves of the other yet remain strictly in the same game.
Thus if the coveted similarities (legitimate values in love) exist in each contender, then the relationship rests on negotiation of the love one has within them selves. It is the depth and quality of that love that determines the outcome of the game and it is this then, that one looks for and determines in their partner. Of course, searching for that depth of love, requires equal depth of character in the one doing the searching. Indecision then, is a factor in the game that has to be overcome, because strategy demands a full introspection of one’s self, because if we cannot love ourselves, then history will repeat itself.
Therefore, potential partners will have a degree of empathy that being mature, can understand and cooperate, sacrifice and endear, to the importance of compromise and negotiation that has to be traded daily between partners so that both can co-exist in happiness. The scripture cited at 1 Corinthians 13 is key to success and its success is defined in reciprocation. Is it not? What you give, is in equal proportion to that which you receive back and what you receive back, is the joy and security of giving it in the first place. Is that not so? Yes, it is.
This strategy is neither simplistic or futile, and the game is not chess, but life. We should expect our partner to make the best move. And what joy there is in our hearts when they do and more so, when unexpected. It seems almost impossible to find a partner, because in this day, our lives are so burdened with the onslaught of fear and distress, that it is nigh impossible to find another not affected adversely from it, and fragile in their depth of trust and reciprocation - until one realises the same issues in themselves. Then it becomes a little easier in breaking down the barriers.
There are millions of people out there who are looking to give of themselves, and giving of one’s self as the scripture notes, is the factor. It is not loose compromise, but considered sacrifice of self, - certainly not ethical or faithful standards, but in appreciation of the proper use and insight within such qualities. These are highly prized by like minded people, just as the scripture points out.
And even if you find this person outside of your spiritual needs, what joy there is when that one on experiencing your love, finds it also in the creator of love. There is no need for you to be anxious. I do not mean to trivialise the condition - it is a hell of a burden, and very debilitating, yet through it all, Jehovah knows your needs. The more you rely on Jehovah to meet those needs, the greater your reward will be. And you will be rewarded for your faith, and it will be far greater a reward than you have ever hoped for. Experience the open hand of Jehovah for yourself and may He bless you in your faith.
