Should I Give up on Dating?

SusanB

Well-known member
Been der, done dat.

20s: Wanted to marry desperately
30s: Pretty much the same but desperately is getting more intense
40s: Starting to give up...
50s: Given up but...

It was meant to be that way. Jehovah saw something, he prevented it in my case. Maybe it's because I'm a jerk. Kidding...or am I? Maybe it's because I didn't really have the maturity needed to succeed. Whatever the reason, it was denied. I certainly wouldn't blame the gals. There were good ones.

I'm pretty happy now. I'm alone...but not lonely. I'm glad how it turned out for one reason alone: Read RK's comment.

This may be your fate as well. Again: Read RK's comment...again, and again, and again. Now is not the time to be looking for a wife. Batten down the hatches and get ready to fight for your life.

Another thing to consider: Satan loves to use the ones you love against you. Count yourself lucky. Imagine coming home to see your beloved wife being herded into a truck heading for an extermination camp? It would almost kill you. But you are being kept safe by Jehovah, you won't have to face that. You will have eternity in the new system to find a wife. In that system Jah will open his hand and satisfy your desire, fully, completely, perfectly.

Oh and did I mention, read RK's comment.

ETA: I should add that it's really up to Jehovah and you in the end. If you wait on him he may bring a mate to you in this system. I've heard that if it's right, it will happen and it will probably broadside you out of nowhere. No one knows what's around the corner except God. Leave it in Jah's hands but don't bother expecting or waiting for anything.
When the “you know what” hits the fan I don’t think finding a marriage mate will even be a consideration.
 

Jahrule

Well-known member
I'm trying to reply to everyone here. I will eventually. I'm making dinner right now, but I just wanted to say how much all your words mean to me. I can see I'm far from alone, and it truly gives me strength. I have more to say but I'll get around to that after dinner.
 

PJ54

Well-known member
I'm trying to reply to everyone here. I will eventually. I'm making dinner right now, but I just wanted to say how much all your words mean to me. I can see I'm far from alone, and it truly gives me strength. I have more to say but I'll get around to that after dinner.
As long as you don't do as the world does & be gay for the day then you'll be alright! Lol
 

Nomex

Well-known member
No one person senses or interprets the same events common to all of us, exactly as another does. Thus we cannot touch soul to soul with certainty, but we can hold an outstretched hand and our doing so, can help a person heal themselves.
I try to read every post you make, so much truth and wisdom it really amazes me. It's like reading my own posts from someone else. (LOL. Yeah I can't help it, I did that.) In all seriousness. You are like the highlighter that underscores the most important things in a very good book full of a wealth of insight and wisdom. You have a way of saying things we are all thinking, but articulating them in a way that makes us all say...EXACTLY!!!!

I am so glad to be a part of this place!
 

Jahrule

Well-known member
When the “you know what” hits the fan I don’t think finding a marriage mate will even be a consideration.
Oh trust me. I'll find a way.

"Wow. I can't believe they threw me in this dungeon. It sure sucks down here. I'm definitely going to die in this place. All I smell is tobacco and mold. Now that I think about it, kinda reminds me of my old studio apartment when I lived next to that gorgeous Italian woman. I wonder how she's doing right now. I hope she's not locked in a dungeon, too. Why doesn't anybody like me?!"
 

Jahrule

Well-known member
I was just talking to my mom about this the other night. It’s crazy how the timing of these things works. This actually deeply bothers me and I’m really glad someone else brought it up…

I don’t have any interest in starting a family, I positively do NOT like children. But I do long for having an extremely intimate connection with someone. My main issue is that I’m indecisive with what I like in a woman which means the thought of marrying one person for all eternity terrifies me. What if I’m with them for 50 years and then find someone else I like more? Or what if I get bored of being with the same person? Now I’m just stuck settling and that sure doesn’t sound like paradise to me. I do NOT trust my ability to wisely or accurately chose a wife. Not for the short time we’re on the earth now and most definitely not for an indefinite time period like forever. Plus the fact that the kind of woman I would love, has absolutely zero interest in me whatsoever. I’ve basically been stuck accepting whatever is looking for me and it’s never what I want. Not even close.

Years of putting up with this has driven me to the point of wanting to just give up on the whole idea of love in the first place. I’ve curated this dream to live out in a cabin, thousands of miles away from a single human being, with a herd of
dogs, a good fishing spot, and the occasional “company” from our Heavenly Father. I’d get to grow my own food, be surrounded by my best furry buddies and be LEFT THE F@*# ALONE.

I know that ultimately comes from a place of spite. But the only way I’d be even remotely comfortable with the idea of marriage is if I just let God pick for me. He made Eve for Adam after all, I’m sure he’d know best what would make me happy. Better than I do. That being said I’ve been rejected, denied, and not even given a chance so many times I seriously want to just never find anyone on purpose now. It’s like a weird life goal/vendetta thing. To reserve that love I would‘ve gladly given to a woman, for myself. Funny thing is Jehovah ”programmed“ us to want to be together from the very beginning. So at times it genuinely feels like I’m fighting my own programming by thinking this way.

Of course the only problem there is being celibate. (Who doesn’t like sex, after all? We were made to enjoy it) But I imagine being perfect would make being sexless much easier.

Or maybe this is all just me. 🤷🏼‍♂️
We may not truly understand how relationships will work in the new system. Marriage is for a fallen world. It's only until death separates the union. In the new system we won't die, so our current idea of marriage may not be a thing in the next system. I don't know what that means. I just know it'll be different. It might genuinely last forever just like family lasts forever. That just doesn't necessarily mean you're binding yourself under a contract for all eternity. Instead of things getting more legalistic and complicated, life will probably get more simple and less complicated.

And be careful what you wish for. That dream of running off into the middle of nowhere is kinda what I am living through right now. Not to the same degree as you described, but I did move hundreds of miles away from everyone and everything I ever knew. I'm a stranger in a foreign land. It literally feels like I'm living in exile. It kinda sucks, dude. Not all of it. Some parts are cool. I live alone. Nobody bothers me. I like my job. My manager is a great young guy. My General Manager is great. I meet lots of people at work, so I get to interact with lots of different people from all over the world. But I still come home to an empty house. I still lay awake at night praying for a better tomorrow.

And I'll just leave you with one last thought, even if you spend 20+ years of celibacy, at any point life can throw you a curve ball. You could go on business as normal for literal decades and then BAM! Outta nowhere your number is suddenly up. If so, it will unfortunately like a cruel cruel joke not be a pleasant experience for you or her. Which is definitely not something I know from personal experience.

At the end of the day, we're gonna be miserable no matter what we do. If we can't find the right person right now, big deal. Women can't find the right people either. It's no easier for them. This world is just complicated. I still hold out hope the right woman is out there somewhere. It's not necessary I find her today. There's always tomorrow. I've learned life has a tendency to surprise you. I'll always hold out hope.
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
See, my solution to that would be: just don’t have children or get hitched at all until the thousand years are done and over with. The 2nd resurrection wont happen until then anyway.
My thinking on this IMO is not to worry about having children in the world we live in right now. Just think how bad things are now and progressively getting worse. You would obviously make it harder for your children…trying to shield them from all the immoral and depraved practices we see around us now.

@Jahrule ___On the other hand maybe getting married is a need to have that compliment, someone to make you feel whole. So, later, when the dust has settled, then everything else, in time, will fall into place.

But as Robert quoted from 1 Corinthians 7: 29-34…he’s right…I’ve experienced this in three marriages. And have heard experiences of others who were married.
Just be prepared to put love into practice as 1 Corinthians 13 speaks about and I have to also add what @BARNABY THE DOG. so lovingly put forth in his post. That was so touching…so true!

Those of us who’ve been down that road, have experienced much along the way. I
learned when I was younger, we can take a little bit of wisdom away from older ones to help us on this road of life we travel as we face the end of civilization in this old world as we know it. We’ll need Jehovah more than ever!

But, to be fair, I would like to add to the rest of what the apostle Paul had to say at 1 Corinthians 7: 35,36…this might be something to consider “But I am saying this for your personal advantage, not to restrict you, but to move you to what is appropriate and to constant devotion to the Lord without distraction. But if anyone thinks he is behaving improperly by remaining unmarried, and if he is past the bloom of youth, then this is what should take place: Let him do what he wants; he does not sin. Let them marry.“
 
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Jahrule

Well-known member
There are sixty four faults that every person on earth has. Of those 64, there is an infinite combination just as there are moves on a chessboard. To calculate how to be successful in playing the game then, is simply one of strategy. Like the faults, the strategies to contend with them are equally limitless and so to survive, contend and enjoy the game, takes wisdom. If you choose another partner to play the game, you still have the same odds of success or failure. It is clear then, that in approaching the game, something other than superficial ‘compatibility’ is required if one is to stay in the game across the board from your opponent.

The first move, is to love yourself. If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love another, because the concept and construct of love depends upon understanding the attributes of love. The bible lists those attributes and encapsulates them in that one word, and which, also defines them in three applications for family, partner and God. One may also add self. Introspection on values within your life are critical to any relationship because being malleable within set parameters both scriptural (because that is a requirement unless you want to be yoked to the world) and physical, because love demands sacrifice. Thus to play the game demands the same degree of altruism in both contenders to accommodate the moves of the other yet remain strictly in the same game.

Thus if the coveted similarities (legitimate values in love) exist in each contender, then the relationship rests on negotiation of the love one has within them selves. It is the depth and quality of that love that determines the outcome of the game and it is this then, that one looks for and determines in their partner. Of course, searching for that depth of love, requires equal depth of character in the one doing the searching. Indecision then, is a factor in the game that has to be overcome, because strategy demands a full introspection of one’s self, because if we cannot love ourselves, then history will repeat itself.

Therefore, potential partners will have a degree of empathy that being mature, can understand and cooperate, sacrifice and endear, to the importance of compromise and negotiation that has to be traded daily between partners so that both can co-exist in happiness. The scripture cited at 1 Corinthians 13 is key to success and its success is defined in reciprocation. Is it not? What you give, is in equal proportion to that which you receive back and what you receive back, is the joy and security of giving it in the first place. Is that not so? Yes, it is.

This strategy is neither simplistic or futile, and the game is not chess, but life. We should expect our partner to make the best move. And what joy there is in our hearts when they do and more so, when unexpected. It seems almost impossible to find a partner, because in this day, our lives are so burdened with the onslaught of fear and distress, that it is nigh impossible to find another not affected adversely from it, and fragile in their depth of trust and reciprocation - until one realises the same issues in themselves. Then it becomes a little easier in breaking down the barriers.

There are millions of people out there who are looking to give of themselves, and giving of one’s self as the scripture notes, is the factor. It is not loose compromise, but considered sacrifice of self, - certainly not ethical or faithful standards, but in appreciation of the proper use and insight within such qualities. These are highly prized by like minded people, just as the scripture points out.

And even if you find this person outside of your spiritual needs, what joy there is when that one on experiencing your love, finds it also in the creator of love. There is no need for you to be anxious. I do not mean to trivialise the condition - it is a hell of a burden, and very debilitating, yet through it all, Jehovah knows your needs. The more you rely on Jehovah to meet those needs, the greater your reward will be. And you will be rewarded for your faith, and it will be far greater a reward than you have ever hoped for. Experience the open hand of Jehovah for yourself and may He bless you in your faith.
I hope some day to share your wisdom. You truly are man's best friend, Barnaby. Who'd have thought a mere dog could know so much about human relationships. You're not wrong either. I could probably learn to love myself a bit more. I'm just such an insufferable wackadoo.
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
I hope some day to share your wisdom. You truly are man's best friend, Barnaby. Who'd have thought a mere dog could know so much about human relationships. You're not wrong either. I could probably learn to love myself a bit more. I'm just such an insufferable wackadoo.
Your response is what you feel Jahrule. I just want to add…this “dog“ is a special dog because he does have special wisdom…along with his witty humor too.
And yes, learning to love yourself is very important. 😉
 

PJ54

Well-known member
Your response is what you feel Jahrule. I just want to add…this “dog“ is a special dog because he does have special wisdom…along with his witty humor too.
And yes, learning to love yourself is very important. 😉
Indeed. Barnaby knows how much he means to us.
BTD is a rare fellow indeed. Not many people can explain matters in such a well thought out process. Reading his posts get the gears working.
 

Ms_ladyblue

Well-known member
It was meant to be that way. Jehovah saw something, he prevented it in my case. Maybe it's because I'm a jerk. Kidding...or am I? Maybe it's because I didn't really have the maturity needed to succeed. Whatever the reason, it was denied. I certainly wouldn't blame the gals. There were good ones.
There’s no such thing as fate kirmmy.
I'm pretty happy now. I'm alone...but not lonely. I'm glad how it turned out for one reason alone: Read RK's comment.
I’m glad you’re happy being alone…as long as you’re happy.
Read RK's comment...again, and again, and again. Now is not the time to be looking for a wife. Batten down the hatches and get ready to fight for your life.

Another thing to consider: Satan loves to use the ones you love against you. Count yourself lucky. Imagine coming home to see your beloved wife being herded into a truck heading for an extermination camp? It would almost kill you. But you are being kept safe by Jehovah, you won't have to face that. You will have eternity in the new system to find a wife. In that system Jah will open his hand and satisfy your desire, fully, completely, perfectly.
But you don’t know for sure if that will happen. Women aren’t helpless and if husband and wife work together and have a contingent plan in advance. If the one gets captured and herded into a truck to an extermination camp it wouldn’t kill us. We’d still be kept safe by Jehovah. You think it might make us stronger? We can’t expect to avoid everything for the sake of not going through all those hardships you mentioned.

Go back and read @BARNABY THE DOG. post. He’s experienced life. Think about it, Jehovah’s people in the past didn’t discourage anyone from getting married because Jehovah realizes many of us have a need to have a partner, a close bond with someone you can share your hopes and desires with…and so much more. All the worries you mentioned are understandable but since we know where we are in the stream of time if our faith is strong we know we’ll see them again soon thereafter.

Let’s be realistic here, if Jahrule is wanting to find a mate, maybe he’s strong and willing to go through whatever may happen. If he decides to, may Jehovah be with him. Hopefully it will make him stronger. I know I’ve been through a lot of heartache and turmoil. I don’t understand why I’m still here or even how Jehovah still deals with me.

If you’re happy with your life though I’m happy for you kirmmy. I guess that’s all that matters. But as for Jahrule, Jehovah bringing him a mate will probably come along when he least expects it…😉
 

The God Pill

Well-known member
We may not truly understand how relationships will work in the new system. Marriage is for a fallen world. It's only until death separates the union. In the new system we won't die, so our current idea of marriage may not be a thing in the next system. I don't know what that means. I just know it'll be different. It might genuinely last forever just like family lasts forever. That just doesn't necessarily mean you're binding yourself under a contract for all eternity. Instead of things getting more legalistic and complicated, life will probably get more simple and less complicated.

And be careful what you wish for. That dream of running off into the middle of nowhere is kinda what I am living through right now. Not to the same degree as you described, but I did move hundreds of miles away from everyone and everything I ever knew. I'm a stranger in a foreign land. It literally feels like I'm living in exile. It kinda sucks, dude. Not all of it. Some parts are cool. I live alone. Nobody bothers me. I like my job. My manager is a great young guy. My General Manager is great. I meet lots of people at work, so I get to interact with lots of different people from all over the world. But I still come home to an empty house. I still lay awake at night praying for a better tomorrow.

And I'll just leave you with one last thought, even if you spend 20+ years of celibacy, at any point life can throw you a curve ball. You could go on business as normal for literal decades and then BAM! Outta nowhere your number is suddenly up. If so, it will unfortunately like a cruel cruel joke not be a pleasant experience for you or her. Which is definitely not something I know from personal experience.

At the end of the day, we're gonna be miserable no matter what we do. If we can't find the right person right now, big deal. Women can't find the right people either. It's no easier for them. This world is just complicated. I still hold out hope the right woman is out there somewhere. It's not necessary I find her today. There's always tomorrow. I've learned life has a tendency to surprise you. I'll always hold out hope.
CAN'T find the right person in a global dating marketplace in a world of 8 billion people? Some do generally though nowadays most choose not to entertain the thought of the right person as there hindbrains are drawn to the wrong ones. Most these days waste there youth on bad choices with the "I can fix him" rationale whilst there are options you can suggest for them in their immediate environment that are stable and of good character that don't need to be "fixed" by there charm but that's just boring to them because it doesn't satisfy the ego as far as "taming" someone. No use reasoning my sister into choosing men that aren't irresponsible, aren't greedy, or that wouldnt beat her when good options existed for her. As Jordan Peterson said recently the majority of men are invisible to women and its worse than Parretto principle now it's Parretto squared as far as getting a foot in the door.
 

Paul H

Well-known member
Oh trust me. I'll find a way.

"Wow. I can't believe they threw me in this dungeon. It sure sucks down here. I'm definitely going to die in this place. All I smell is tobacco and mold. Now that I think about it, kinda reminds me of my old studio apartment when I lived next to that gorgeous Italian woman. I wonder how she's doing right now. I hope she's not locked in a dungeon, too. Why doesn't anybody like me?!"
Just temporarily identify yourself as a transgender woman before they put you in that dungeon and then they will transfer you over to a 100% female prison population...At least there you dont have to worry about accidentally dropping the bar of soap 😂
 

BARNABY THE DOG.

Well-known member
I was just talking to my mom about this the other night. It’s crazy how the timing of these things works. This actually deeply bothers me and I’m really glad someone else brought it up…

I don’t have any interest in starting a family, I positively do NOT like children. But I do long for having an extremely intimate connection with someone. My main issue is that I’m indecisive with what I like in a woman which means the thought of marrying one person for all eternity terrifies me. What if I’m with them for 50 years and then find someone else I like more? Or what if I get bored of being with the same person? Now I’m just stuck settling and that sure doesn’t sound like paradise to me. I do NOT trust my ability to wisely or accurately chose a wife. Not for the short time we’re on the earth now and most definitely not for an indefinite time period like forever. Plus the fact that the kind of woman I would love, has absolutely zero interest in me whatsoever. I’ve basically been stuck accepting whatever is looking for me and it’s never what I want. Not even close.

Years of putting up with this has driven me to the point of wanting to just give up on the whole idea of love in the first place. I’ve curated this dream to live out in a cabin, thousands of miles away from a single human being, with a herd of
dogs, a good fishing spot, and the occasional “company” from our Heavenly Father. I’d get to grow my own food, be surrounded by my best furry buddies and be LEFT THE F@*# ALONE.

I know that ultimately comes from a place of spite. But the only way I’d be even remotely comfortable with the idea of marriage is if I just let God pick for me. He made Eve for Adam after all, I’m sure he’d know best what would make me happy. Better than I do. That being said I’ve been rejected, denied, and not even given a chance so many times I seriously want to just never find anyone on purpose now. It’s like a weird life goal/vendetta thing. To reserve that love I would‘ve gladly given to a woman, for myself. Funny thing is Jehovah ”programmed“ us to want to be together from the very beginning. So at times it genuinely feels like I’m fighting my own programming by thinking this way.

Of course the only problem there is being celibate. (Who doesn’t like sex, after all? We were made to enjoy it) But I imagine being perfect would make being sexless much easier.

Or maybe this is all just me. 🤷🏼‍♂️
Where does one begin?!! How on earth can you claim to get “bored” with your partner? In a partnership both parties grow and evolve in companionship - it is how you grow that matters. Does your partner have to provide you with entertainment and your needs in such variety that your interest is maintained in them? Where is your contribution? Why does the bible advise you to “…drink at your own well”? A well demands maintenance to keep the water fresh and accessible. Then why drink at another man’s well? You do not even mention how you would provide the love and interest to keep your partner interested in you! As for children, why would you not want others to share in your happiness and wonder in life? Where is your joy in living, negotiating, creating interest, valuing another soul, the joy of giving (as well as receiving) and of journeying through life, accomplishment, building a life and learning new things? What if your partner wants a child? Marriage is a Union, a binding of the two elements, male and female in to a singular and complete soul, rather than an individual relationship for ones’s own self gratification. That is why the bible refers to it as “one flesh”. Contrary to what you may assume, we were not ‘made’ to enjoy sex, but merely given the facility and capability of enjoying sex for its mental, loving interpretation of sensuality in the union of love within the soul, and in that, it is a gift above its perfunctory necessity and reward given to animals. There is a vast difference.

“Giving up in love”? I fear that you do not understand love and it’s complexity, let alone sufficient to give up in its pursuit. Love is a two edged sword and requires insight and empathy to another, and that requires a vast depth of introspection into our own values well before we trade them with those of another. Love is something to give, rather than take, and it is only by rendering love to another that we come to understand it’s value to our psyche. How can you search successfully for something you have first not experienced and tempered in the fire of compatibility? Your “years of putting up with this” is a direct outcome of your behaviour to and concept of, relationship values.

Your concept is written in your name. A fascist belief is one of an autocracy that will not tolerate any disagreement, whereas love, as the bible says emphatically, at 1 Corinthians 13, “…hopes all things, bears all things, and never fails …and even if I give away all my possessions to the poor, but have not love, I gain nothing.” Can you then, have a love for another that will never fail if you do not understand what love requires of you? If you long for an “intimate” relationship as you say, then you must first understand what intimacy requires of you, and sex will be at the bottom of the list, or even not on the list at all as sexual union in its proper place is a result of love, rather than a factor in its formation.

You will not learn from life unless you are willing to enter the combat zone of experience and test. Running away to a remote destination simply takes your problems with you and there they will remain with you, growing more bitter each day. In its stead, take your doubts and ideas out into life and give of them freely and learn from the responses you get. Take a quote from Mike Hockney who wrote The Millionaires’ Death Club: “After sexual intercourse, every animal is sad…when the show is over, you always feel empty. One second you are energised like you have never been in your life, the next, it’s all gone.” Thus the question is, after the fact of superficial Company with another, what is left? In your case, by what you write, it is nothing. That then is clearly the issue of why you feel the way you do. Thus the answer is staring you in the face. What is missing? Are you prepared to take responsibility in another human being‘s happiness and feelings, in sickness and in health? It is a difficult task when you are miles away from everyone else mentally, with your furry friends your only comfort. Take heart. Take the bull by its horns and get out there into the storm. Conquer it and find your place. Seek Jehovah whilst He still may be found and learn to share that incredible sense of belonging with another. Jehovah gave you life and figurative Talants to earn in respect of serving Him.
 

BARNABY THE DOG.

Well-known member
Oh trust me. I'll find a way.

"Wow. I can't believe they threw me in this dungeon. It sure sucks down here. I'm definitely going to die in this place. All I smell is tobacco and mold. Now that I think about it, kinda reminds me of my old studio apartment when I lived next to that gorgeous Italian woman. I wonder how she's doing right now. I hope she's not locked in a dungeon, too. Why doesn't anybody like me?!"
Someone will like you, even love you. But love yourself first. That is the key.
 

TheJehuChariot

Well-known member
Someone will like you, even love you. But love yourself first. That is the key.
Interestingly, Jesus never once said to "love thyself". Lol, but I understand why it is said. So many of us grew up in religion that ladened us w/unnecessary guilt, judgement, depression etc that was never meant by Christ's light load. Thus, we have learned to loathe/despise ourself. Accepting God's grace and fully understanding the love of the Christ is akin to loving oneself as being forgiven by God's undeserved kindness. If that makes any sense...
 

BARNABY THE DOG.

Well-known member
I hate been on my own, but I'm trying to be strong. I think relationships are hard to navigate. I found growing up in the Watchtower talking to brothers was frawned upon if you were single, they thought you were after them. In th world they dont do the old fashioned courting. My parents courted 4 years before they got married. You cant say sorry no intimacy - I'm a Christian with values - they would laugh at you. I do pray to Jehovah. I think I might get a cat - a dog cant be left all night - working night shifts.
To the contrary, a woman protective of her emotions and needs should be viewed as a precious asset of her integrity to the interested male. Not only that, but adhering to her wishes, makes her value all the more, the fidelity and control of the man. It’s a win win situation for both of them. From solely the male perspective, I may add, there is also the satisfaction therein - if the man succeeds in keeping his mind above his belt, of her eventually having to give in to her own desires and signalling to him that his restraint is no longer required. Now that really is a worthwhile facet of character in headship.
 
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